TEN STEPS TOWARDS A FRUITFUL COURTSHIP

There are so many youths whose lives have been made miserable and bitter through broken relationships.

In 2013, a Christian sister complained of how her fiance dumped her after years of courtship. During the courtship, they have done the introduction and preparation was on top gear for the wedding. The brother in question had started buying engagement items. Then, one day he told the sister that he was no longer interested because his elder sister would not like to have the fiancee as her sister in-law. The matter was taken to the pastor, but at the end, the relationship crashed. To add salt to the injury, the brother asked the sister to return everything he bought for her. 

For peace to reign, the pastor of the sister told her to return what the brother had bought. Another sister cuts her relationship with her fiance after a long time of courtship, citing undesirable characters of the brother for the step she took. 

These are two cases out of other numerous 'betrayals' being perpetrated by the singles of this generation. As broken relationships are caused by brothers, it can also be caused by sisters, with excuses that are not strong enough to discontinue the relationship. This particular content focused on the issue, so that tension and broken relationships could be minimized, if at all it cannot be brought to zero level. 

• Divine Green Light: The first thing which every single must bear in mind is divine green (go ahead) light. It has been observed that majority of our youths just jumped into relationships without getting green light from God. Many allow their first physical senses to 'push' them into relationship. The most pitiable aspect of it that, many of our singles are "spiritual neophytes" and babes who cannot discern the voice of God whenever He speaks. Many choose by sight instead of godly mind. The spiritual neophytes could be explained by their inability to pray and pray through until God speaks. Our God is not an author of confusion. He cannot say go ahead today, and tomorrow changes his mind. The problem of a broken relationship is primarily traced to inability of the singles to know the mind of God before entering into relationship. As a single, make sure you get divine green light before you leap. Education, wealth position beauty and opinion of men alone are wrong factors in choosing whom to marry. Dear single youth, what did God say about that brother or sister? Did you get green light? God will see you through in the courtship no matter the storm. 

• Prayer: Every courtship is a journey to the altar for the consummation of a relationship that will bring fulfillment of destiny to the would-be couples. Satan hates everything that will give glory to God and His children. He hates Christian with passion. He wants our lives rubbished, ridiculed, damaged and destroyed. If you cannot pray earnestly in your relationship, your case will soon be like undesirable others that you know. Every journey is full of potholes, bumps, hills, corners, sharp, bends, cautions and the likes. The journey (courtship) to the altar has similar hiccups. If you are the type that is prayerless, the journey would be terminated by forces that are more powerful than you. 

• Forgiveness: Misunderstandings are common in courtship. Experiences have shown that some of the broken and dead relationships are due to unforgiveness on the part of the 'lovers'. Some singles expect saintly characters from the person they want to marry and the moment their expectation from the person is not seen or met, they bolt out. In courtship you must show forgiveness towards one another. Ability to forgive and forget will sustain the relationship and nurture it to the wedding day and beyond, keep on forgiving! You will always need this grace much later, I mean, for as you are married. 

• Commitment: Another error discovered is lack of commitment to the relationship. Any relationship, association, or friendship cannot last if commitment is lacking. Commitment to a relationship brings sacrifice. If you cannot show commitment to your courtship, you will not see reason to sacrifice in order to save it from 'death'. You must show commitment to the relationship. As a matter of fact, if you don't show commitment to your marriage, it will collapse, because there are hundreds of reasons why marriages should fold up. Every courtship or relationship can work, provided the two partners are ready to bury their bitterness, grievances, differences, pride, ego and excuses! Genuine courtship can translate to a Holy Wedlock, provided the two parties give the fruit of the Holy Spirit a place in their lives! If you show commitment, I can assure you that your relationship with that brother or sister can be saved, provided it enjoyed divine green light at initial. 

• Obedience: Obedience to the inner voice of the Holy Spirit is very important in any healthy relationship. The voice of God through the scripture and fatherly counsel plays a vital role in courtship. The problem with many of our singles is that, the moment they have quarrel or misunderstanding with the person they are courting, they close their ears and minds to the voice of God and His servants. When Joseph thought of 'putting aside' his betrothed wife Mary, the Angel of God told him to stop the move, because God was in the whole affair. Joseph obeyed the voice. Anytime you have problem in your courtship, endeavour to hear from God for necessary direction. At times, the voice of men could be misleading. Allow God to direct your step; don't succumb to the dictates of the flesh carnal friends and family.

• Care: This element is very important in courtship. I have cases of sisters dumping their fiances because they fail to demonstrate care. Sisters, especially are very sensitive to this aspect. They want to hand over their lives to anybody who shows to them that he cares. Some sisters can even be tempted to the extent of giving their destiny to unbelievers if they know the person will care for them. Time of courtship is a time to show that you care. Do something to show you care. Say something to show you care. The truth of the matter is that if you fail to show that you care, your partner may crash the relationship and you will be left alone to paddle your own canoe. A caring sister will become a caring wife. In the same vein, a caring brother will turn to be a caring husband. Everybody loves care. Colour your courtship with enough caring attitude and actions, and your partner will reciprocate. It is no longer news that people don't really care how much you know, but they want how much you care. Albeit, in showing care, do not be careless - so it doesn't become or lead to sin. 

• Productivity: As a single, what do you do in the vineyard of God? Are you productive in the house of God? Are you a worker in the Church? Are you fruitful as a branch of the vine? In the Book of John chapter 15:2, Jesus promised to prune those who are fruitful. If you are fruitful, Jesus will prune away all 'storms' facing you in your courtship. Jesus will take care of your martial life because you are productive. In the same vein, make the most of your potentials, be skillful, don't be lazy. Your partner will be proud of you if you are skillfully productive; don't let your certificate or lack of it define you in entirety, make sure you are not idle, and don't settle for less. Put your mind to use on how you can improve on your situation always, so that life can be better for you after marriage, especially as a man. And as a woman, gone are the days when women are liabilities, no man wants such anymore; make sure you are productive, both in the vineyard of God and in other valuable aspects of life. This will buy you more respect and honour from your fiance, he would be so proud of it. That makes you an asset that cannot be disposed just easily because it increases your worth and value; this equally holds true for the man also.

• Fear of God: The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. Nothing helps better in building trust than the consciousness that your partner fears God. Singles who live as couples are inviting disaster, crisis, destruction and calamity into their lives. As a sister, if you are the type that is opened for kissing, caressing and sex, one day, the brother will give you red card. Let the fear of God rule your life and courtship,p you will not regret every action taken. This is expected of every couple at every stage of marital relationship before and after the wedding, that is, even in marriage. 

• Faith: Courtship is not walking by sight but by faith. Have faith in God in everything you do. After all, the just shall live by his faith. That faith in God will surely see you through in your courtship. Whatever may be happening now, I want you to develop steel faith in God that all shall be well. For Christians, beware that our accuser, the devil is out to frustrate God's plan for us, so we don't raise an army against his kingdom. So, that you are a Christian is an open invite for the devil to want to battle your marital union, hence some unsolicited challenges at times. Nonetheless, when you have a resolute Faith that has no alternative to God, your relationship will survive whatever challenge might come your ways. You will always need an astute Faith as you journey on in this race called - Marriage. 

• Humility: Singles in courtship should show humility towards each other. Mutual respect for one another will give muscle to the relationship, dousing tension and deflating crises! Arrogance from any quarter will scatter the relationship. Learn to say I am sorry when it is needed. Learn to say thank you sir or ma, when it is needed. Don't stick to your argument or reason alone. Learn to accommodate the views of your partner. 

Humility displayed in this way will give confidence to your partner that you are not a wrong person. But anything that is short of this will make him or her to think otherwise.

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